This was my first letter to you, for a few months now you’ve been hearing an earful from your mama.
You are such a magical, new thing in my life. Some parts of you feel so familiar to me already. Your movements and kicks, the rounding of my belly and this ache in my back. But there are parts of our journey so far that are distinctly yours. Time spent imagining your face. Trying your name out on my tongue. Each day I am feeling blessed.
For now, I study your 4D ultrasound photos – looking closely at the tiny bones in your hands and feet. I keep going back to this photo of see your eyes, nose and lips. That perfect nose, those little lips that already look so much like ones I would kiss daily- you feel like everything I know and yet, remarkably different.
I am awed by what you have become in 7 months time and how much you’ve shifted and shaped our family already. We are making room for you in every part of our home and hearts. We await your newness. Anticipate your familiarity. And cannot wait for you to arrive.
. . .
My dear little daughter,
I am growing more overwhelmed by the day, knowing that your existence in my arms is growing closer. Before you became my reality, we really wanted a daughter and I’m so happy that my dreams are fulfilled.
Everyone loved to tell me that you’re going to be such a sweet and well behaved daughter. In my heart I knew they might be right. As time passed, however, I have found a quiet confidence in who you will be. I kept thinking you will prove them all right.
Sometimes I sit quietly with my hands on either side of my belly and feel you move. I feel the hardness of your little hands and feet as you push against me and I am overcome with peace. Your presence there inside me, envelops me head to toe with the deepest of faiths. In the same way in which I have learned to follow God, in the way I have learned to make a life with your father – with that same faith I will trust you to come into this world in your own individual way.
Every time you were moving, it felt like you were speaking to me. And with every roll of my belly, you were saying to me “I am here, becoming. And I will be the exact girl you need in your life, mama. No more or no less”
We were just waiting for you patiently. We were so ready for you. We held a beautiful devotional baby shower, organized by Aunty Rara (she doesn’t want to be called Rara Foi), where we all shared poems, songs, prayers and stories and advice, preparing for your arrival.